Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I smell stomach acid.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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