1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
