I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
