I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
