Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
