and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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