I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
