He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
