So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
