So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
how can u be prego again
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
