Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
