so that wasnt chicken after all
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
