your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
