Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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