Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
