I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
