Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
