Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
