I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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