Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
