i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
