end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
