All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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