I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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