Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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