end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
