i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
