you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair