just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
