Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
