listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
