Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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