i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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