They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
