i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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