Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
