The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
