Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
