I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we're making bets on your personal life
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
