i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
