They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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