finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
