If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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