I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She's the barista slut.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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