We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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