I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
