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There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
