Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
