I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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