I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
