You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
