Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
bring money and cleavage
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
