she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
