omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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