the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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