I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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