It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
