a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
