Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
