I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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