why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
