Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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