So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
