The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
