My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
