I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
These tits shall not be calmed
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
