508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
