I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
