he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
