just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
