you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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