You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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