he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
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I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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