I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
