I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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