i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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