You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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