I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
