Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
