Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
this is an emotional support booty call
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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