woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
