I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
