You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
