just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize