How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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