So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
