forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
