Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
