he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
