you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
